You would think that cleaning my room in preparation for my family's (and alex's) arrivals would be made appreciably easier by selling all of my things. However, you would be wrong. So when I was frantically cleaning (read: Kelsey was saving my butt again), I wasn't paying much attention to what was being thrown away. It was 99.9% class notes that I couldn't take with me so who cares? Something made me look through the pockets of one notebook, though, and I'm so glad I did because it was May 9th.
In the pocket of my notebook was a letter I had written to myself which said on the outside "Open May 10, 2012... no sooner, no later".
I didn't remember writing this letter but I had in December and it was everything I needed to hear. One of the points in it was to remember the people who had gotten me to that point and to remember how loved I am. Of course, this is naturally a time to be grateful for those who have helped you along the way and who care for you as well as a time to be sad to leave them as you each search for a new adventure. As I sat pondering these terribly cliché thoughts I became overwhelmed in my attempts to list everyone. Here's what I came up with:
1. My family: If you want to talk about cliché, this is the mother of them all (pun intended) but it's so often appropriate and necessary. I have been incredibly privileged in my life and not just because of the things that were afforded me in my childhood or the opportunity at higher education etc. etc. Looking back I can see how clearly my parents have always wanted the best for me. Even when I became serious about Peace Corps and traveling and being generally reckless. I can see how uncomfortable my plans make them and how they worry for me. But instead of trying to change my mind they have always always supported my decision. And my brother. I've always looked up to brodre and anyone who knows me knows that I adore him. I may give him crap. All the time. But whenever I hear people talk about their siblings and fights they had or rivalries - petty things as kids.... I think back on all of the times when bro would do just about anything to make me smile. And that's just the immediate family. Most people aren't as privileged to have the network of vivacious, caring, talented people who I have supporting me. Blessing doesn't even begin to describe any of it.
2. My sisters: I'm not great at rugby. I know it. Everyone knows it. I try but land is just not my forté. Last Spring I was discouraged, beat down, timid, getting over culture shock, missing my family from SFS, and felt alienated by many friends I had had before studying abroad. One very sunny Saturday, a discussion with Holly and Kimber, and a cold Tuesday practice changed everything. I know I brok down a lot over this past year and a half with you all. I freaked out for no reason. Complained nonstop. Did crazy things (which you all remind me about constantly!). But somehow (against all odds) you all managed to pull me through this past year and a half with some semblance of sanity still intact. In the process you also gave me the confidence (and general badassery) I needed to take over my life. Special shoutout to roommate and other roommate (who is clearly a part of uncwrfc) for being on call.
3. Kelskels and C Nasty: I know I said later but now that it's later I find I can't put into words what you both have done for me. Y'all coming over to help me clean my room is actually pretty representative of what you do with every aspect of my life. When I let everything fall into disrepair and chaos, you pick it all back up and help me toss the ridiculous bits of waste that are fouling up my life. You are my conscience and my drive and have somehow stuck with me the longest out of anyone. I love you both and your endless supply of cookie dough (!) more than you know.
4. SFS: The SFS curriculum showed me my passion for ecology. The staff opened my eyes to cross cultural understanding. The stunning lanscapes and cultures of East Africa touched my heart and soul and opened my eyes to a holiness and symmetry in the world that is unspeakably beautiful. The biggest lesson of all, however, came when we switched sites and were forced to interact with the other cohort. More than all of the life changing experiences, SFS gave me a family that grew with me and supported me during one of the most formative times of my life. Any time- night or day- if I call any corner of the world, I can find one of you who will drop everything to listen to me tell bad jokes or rant about my life or reminisce. Barratt once said that when she met me she thought I was cool and interesting. I was shocked. Mostly because I still don't even understand why any of them would talk to me. Each and every person from our group had an incredible and unique voice. The support I had and continue to have from Chui West brightens even the darkest day and, a little closer to home, R. Norman never fails to drag me to my feet every time I stumble. I could not be more proud of all of the amazing things you are all doing with your lives. It means so much to me that we have stayed in touch this past year and a half. I should be returning to Africa close to the two year anniversary of meeting you all and I will carry you all with me when I go.
5. Amanda Bray, Alex Adams, Roro, and other late night call fielders: My friends from California have the unique privilege of hearing from me in the wee hours of the morning (my time) as I sort through my most recent crisis. Yay time differences! But no matter if they were sleeping (Amanday Kay Bray), just getting home from work (Alex Adams), or at a party (Rohan Viswanathan), they always stopped what they were doing to try to piece together what was happening in NC and try to fix it. Or just listen to me babble about how I needed to pretend to be on the phone with someone local as I walked down a shady alley or street.
6. Amy Cooke: Saying that a certain class, professor, or adviser changed my life is almost as trite as... well... everything else on this list. But if any particular faculty member at Carolina changed my life, it was Amy Cooke. I remember walking into Afri266 and hearing her credentials in the sciences and thinking to myself "man, I need to drop this class ASAP". But then she began talking about her Peace Corps experiences and her love of plants and the soil and growing things. She talked about balancing this love with a love of people and a value for their experience. She talked about cultural bias and African development in ways I had never considered them. I wanted to be her. Luckily we have such similar dispositions. Everyone who knows us both has at one point told me that they see me becoming much like Dr. Cooke and I cannot imagine a better compliment.
7. George: I came up to George and told him about my life during a rugby social. A rugby social. It was just a chat but it was enough to gain a true friend. Then, when I felt trapped in NC economically and needed work, he got me a job that I had no qualifications for at a bar. He just wanted us all to have a good time and make a little cash while we were at it. George is just such a genuinely great guy with such a firm belief in karma and community. Since I'm leaving, this is the last way that I can even hope to repay a fraction of what I owe you for your kindness--- Everyone go to Rec Room and Players. Meet George and give him all your money! Drink a bunch in the process! It will be the best decision you ever make :)
8. Punya: Texas A&M was hard. It was overwhelming. I was suddenly expected to be an adult and to work a real job and to do work that had a real impact on the world. I was learning new things and embarrassed by everything I had to be taught. Punya's patience and friendship changed me more than I knew at the time. She taught me how to deal with real life pressures without growing up. Her levity and bubbly nature, and balance with true professionalism are traits I aspire to.
9. AD: The athletic department at UNC was my first Carolina family and truly made me appreciate this state and being a Tar Heel. I know that the basketball museum is cheesy (and that they changed it recently. boo.) but it was mostly Angie, Kathy, and Clara that taught me what it was to be north carolinian. The invitations I got to Thanksgiving and staff parties made me feel so much less lost in my freshman year at Carolina. I only wish I had gotten to spend my senior year with them all as well.
10. Phi Sig: Though I drifted apart from Phi Sig my senior year when the drama became too much for me, Phi Sigma Pi - Alpha Kappa Chapter was my family for four years. They were my first true support system and were there for me when I was at my most ridiculous. My big and my first little (Annie and Kevin) were especially helpful for getting through a very rough time in my life. Watch out for both of them. They're doing amazing things. May Hathcock, Charlie Hodgens, Cheng Cai, Morgan Beggs, etc. were also integral in supporting my my freshman and sophomore years and I am grateful to anyone who could have put up with that for so many years.
Tomorrow I am going to write a new letter to myself. Something to reread after Israel. For now, I just need to take in this long and not even close to comprehensive list of my closest family and friends and try to wrap my head around how luck I have been to have these people to help me
GRADUATE!
As much as you all might say you are proud of me, I can promise you all that I am probably much more proud of you.
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