Here is a chronological list of the things that have overwhelmed me in the past week (has it really only been a week?!)
- The sheer amount of crap that I have accumulated over the past four years. Most of it was junk but there was also a large mix of trinkets that made me pause, made tears spring to my eyes, brought back anger, brought back joy, and gave me a moment to reflect. Throwing that much away and deciding what, if anything, to keep could only be described as overwhelming.
- The amount of help I got from my friends in packing everything up. Yes, Kelsey has always been around to help me clean my room but this was a whole new level. It took her, Nic, and Rachel two full days to help me throw away all of that stuff. That's a whole new level of friendship and dedication, right there.
- Chocolate from the Chocolate Door. I have been meaning to go to this chocolate shop in Chapel Hill for years but knew that if I did I would fall in love and never leave and curl up in a corner of the shop and get horrendously fat and die. I wasn't wrong. My last night in Chapel Hill we went down there and bought $17 worth of chocolate between four of us and got about $18 free from Sean (my new favorite person who I would actually marry). It was rich and decadent and creamy and amazing on every level and completely overwhelmed my senses.
- Kelsey Merlo + ridiculous music + Rec Room = broken heart. It's simple math, really. Kelsey Merlo is never allowed to cry at my going away shindig ever again. Because it breaks my heart. And we all know that I just love Rec Room. Between George and Casey pouring me stronger drinks than I wanted or needed (as per usual), Krysta, Anne, and Toni representing the team (!!), reminiscing about my even crazier early years at Carolina with Kels and B I don't think I could have had a better time.... or been more overwhelmed at the thought of leaving the life I managed to cobble together in NC for four years. George and Casey get extra props for playing any ridiculous song that popped into my head.
- Being two minutes from a horrendous accident. When I went to leave Biggs' house in Asheville to head to Sevierville for Lauren's wedding, I was already running late. But then I left my ipod in Biggs' car and had to run inside to get her-- a task which took approximately two minutes. An hour later, I had to slam on my brakes as a line of memorial day traffic to the smokies stopped on a dime. We learned that two miles up ahead there had been an accident involving two big riggs, five vehicles, and countless fender benders as everyone tried to avoid the mess. We were parked (engines off, everyone sitting on top of their cars to look at the stars, people walking in the lanes, etc.) for well over 3 hours. As ambulances, fire trucks, police cars, and eventually coroner vans streamed past with sirens on, I couldn't help but get the overwhelming feeling that that easily could have been me. I was two minutes roughly away from the accident. Insanity.
- Lauren Hartweg getting married. I haven't seen so much pure unadulterated love between two people since I watched Carrie and Curt walk down the aisle in September. This time I didn't even have Jackie sobbing next to me to completely overshadow my tears. It was overwhelmingly beautiful.
-Finally realizing my dream to hike part of the Appalachian Trail (even if it was a much smaller chunk than I was planning on)
- Driving through Tennessee and Virginia with my windows down and music blasting. It felt so free.
- "Showering" in a cold river on a warm sunny day amidst the hills of Western Virginia. It was so beautiful and unique but simultaneously reminded me so much of all of my time spent in the American that I didn't know whether to cry or laugh. On top of that it was just to good to be clean after a couple of days on the road...
- Being taken in (yet again) by Richard and Brandee at all hours of the night. They always just take me in with no warning and no questions asked. I don't know what I ever did to deserve such a wonderful extended family.
- Putting my truck in storage and leaving Richard and Brandee's with just my backpack to my name. I don't know that I've ever felt more vulnerable. Last time I did that I was dumb. I had a fallback plan. I had a safety net. Everyone rolls their eyes when I say that my time in Europe was safe and relatively scripted but I knew what I was getting into. I had plans and the ability to get help when I needed it. A lot of that was having reliable access to internet and other infrastructure I was accustomed to but also being connected with the CS community, etc. were all incredibly comforting. I have no idea what to expect in Israel and beyond that I'm clueless. There's very little room for error here and we all know my propensity for error. I've scraped by thus far but I'm not quite sure scraping by is really going to cut it this time around.
- Being medically cleared with a few restrictions on my placement and having since been asked to provide a bunch of information that I have no idea how to get organized before I leave the country. It feels like an uphill battle to get all of this sorted out. The follow up wants me to list all of my ag experience and emphasizes that ideal applicants have at least three months of full time farming experience. My WWOOFing this summer apparently counts towards my experience and I worked on the student farm at CCCC but it hardly seems like it prepares me to be an extension agent in a developing country. I'm more than a little out of my depth.
and now I'm on the most uncomfortable megabus I've ever been on with both of my knees feeling like they're being pulled out with fishing hooks on my way to New York City.... the perfect place to not be overwhelmed, I'm sure. [yeah, there's a heavy dose of sarcasm there if you couldn't tell]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qc-vNR1D4X8&ob=av2e
"When you're lost and alone and you're sinking like a stone, Carry on. May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground and Carry on."
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